how long is time

 

Wow, four months into the year and I haven’t posted a thing here, I am getting lazy, or maybe priorities being what they are mean these days my RL most definitely takes precedence.

When I have been on SL, and I still manage to log in at least once a day, even if only briefly, I’ve been mostly exploring, still hungry to discover the new, the old, the unusual, the surprising. Still, the weirdest thing these days is how quiet it feels. I don’t know how many active players there are now compared to when I was way more involved here, say before 4 years ago, since when I for one have certainly scaled way back, mostly because RL is way more busy and important, and of course obviously I’m older, priorities change.

Another reason I chose to shuffle off much of my responsibilities here is because they were beginning to cause me serious anxiety, so much so the only solutions were to, in a word, downsize, or leave. Well, I wasn’t going to leave having invested so much emotionally and time-wise into me in SL so that left me with taking my foot of the SL pedal car.

Generally, it feels so much better, psychologically for certain, my mental well-being has improved a lot since I have. But then, I had reached a breaking point having taken on far more than little old me could basically cope with. I pride myself on being able to multitask and being able to deal with most situations but back then I was totally losing the plot having falling into one responsibility after another because simply I didn’t want to let anyone down.

So, before I completely lost my fragmented mind I decided enough was enough. Nevertheless, I still miss those days when there was always something happening, when there felt like there was more of a community, especially in my vampire clan. Yes, if you didn’t already know from reading my previous blogs, I am a vampire, among other things. Those were amazing times and at least I took loads of photos back then, and still do, so have lots of memories to look back on.

Gosh, all this makes me sound and feel soooooooooooo old. I’m not by the way.

But all in all my RL is pretty happy, all things considered, so I don’t feel the same need or pull to always run away into SL, which sometimes is what I used to do. I’m not sure what use sharing any of this is but maybe it helps me. I mean, I have no idea even how many read my blog or even know it’s here.

Well, apologies again to anyone who cares that it’s taken four months to get around to posting what is effectively my first writing here of 2023. Crazy, isn’t it.

~Anan Eebus ©2023

 

dancing queen

It’s about time I posted my first blog of 2020 here. I’ve been tardy of late and been pondering my place in SL for a while now, it having changed so much in the past few years and me having been there for so, so, so, so long, which is a long time, very long, so, so, so, so long.

Not that I still don’t enjoy it, I do, just its hold on me has loosened, lessened, not what it was. Thankfully in some ways in that once upon an SL time I was so enmeshed in it, it started spilling over in m RL which is not what it’s supposed to do as far as I’m concerned. What did leak through was mostly the worry, the angst, even some of the drama, some directed at me some just happening around me. Of course we all know and loudly proclaim in SL it should be drama-free, there’s even signs affirming that on some sims: “This is a Drama-free Zone”. A bit like “this is a Zombie-Free Zone” except without the zombies, although I’m sure some of the people I’ve met here can seem a bit brain-dead.

If you’re not careful though things can snowball, get away from you, gather unexpected momentum and before you know it: madness!

Well, fortunately for me I’ve learned through my mistakes in investing too much ‘me’, so to speak, as in my emotions and trying to spot and head-off any potential drama before it becomes drama, which can be a bit of an inworld skill in itself and not a perfect science.

I always keep myself busy though and never understand those who say, “I’m bored”. It’s strange because f you are bored then why are you even there, online, inworld, and if you are go do something else instead. Some people seem to need to be ‘entertained’ all the time, and if you look hard enough, even thuogh SL isn’t what it used to be (i.e. admittedly not as much fun or interactive) there are things to do, place to explore, amazing builds and sims to see that are just a feast for the eyes and dancing, I love dancing.

So I’ve been thinking lately about why I’m still here. One thing for sure I am loyal to my avatar, or me, which sounds strange to anyone who’s never done SL. It’s like after a while because it is like: are are you your avatar, or, is your avi you? Either way you can feel incredibly protective about her, and in my case I do, and the thought of losing her after all this time is almost unthinkable. It would be like losing a part of me, because she is in a way, my avi is me in so many ways: my beliefs, attitudes and, even though you can choose any be anyone or anything here, I have actually very closely physically modelled her on me. Not sure why although I feel most comfortable in my own skin, although my hair in RL isn’t blue, although sometimes it has been, as it has been other colours too.

I’ve never been a tree or a dragon or a zombie. I am though a vampire, and a photographer. Some things have stayed with me pretty much from the start or at least from my first year here, like the blue hair I actually had sorted by my third week. I’m still finding new things too, adventures, friends and such, though have never been into anything overly competitive.

I haven’t come to any conclusions yet except that I’m not going anywhere and staying here in SL happily as me, probably because you just never know what might happen next, and that for me, is still most exciting.

~Anan~~