hello Halloween

 

‘Tis that time of year
again, be a-feared
quiver and quake
shiver and shake
the veil between
the seen and unseen
is tearing again
into tatters and shreds
as one world is bled
and seeps into the other
to claim the unclaimed
souls without names
the walking undead,
despairing, the dread,
breathless the screams
unravel from dreams
severed the veins
that trickle, that stain
there’ll be no escape
from this your wake
now all you can do
is wait.

 

live and let bite

 

Well, it’s a new year here in Second Life and I enter it with two exhibitions going on at two different art galleries and I’m hoping to be hanging some new works at both very soon. Welcome also to my first blog here of 2022.

I used to have a little hideaway but wasn’t any longer able to afford it, even though it was really cheap, almost peppercorn, it was still tricky, so am once again effectively homeless in that I’ve nowhere I can call my own. This doesn’t really bother me though, it’s been a while since I was a nomad, of a sorts, and I quite like it, plus I don’t have to work about that weekly bill for rent. I did like my little skybox but needs must and change happens: one just has to go with it, such matters economic are still a hard reality, even in SL.

I’m still a vampire, and a few others things too, artist, photographer, mermaid, model, explorer, pole-dancer, and I’m still head of my own vampire clan, veiled Fang, which once upon a life was quite active yo-yoing in numbers depending on the whims of vampires who have just as many whims as non-vamps.  I set up Veiled Fang years ago after having spent a lot of time growing in other clans the length and breadth of SL and we’ve done okay, although now not exactly dormant as resting in peace for now as most of its members, I’m pleased to say, seem quite content with, especially as the majority are no longer active either on SL or in vampire roleplaying terms but have chosen to remain in Veiled, something I’m also heartened about and happy they have.

I probably suffered a bit of burn-out a few years back when pretty much hyperactively running the clan. I felt enormous pressure to keep up with other clan and what they do, and more importantly in what was expected of me by those in the clan as the leader or head. Not many realise what a huge responsibility it is to do so, and even fewer would take such a role themselves even though they complain when something isn’t being done to their satisfaction. Of course the buck always stopped with me as I had and took overall responsibility of all clan affairs and its member, that is until I realised, hey, everyone is their own person, or vampire, and as such are responsible for themselves, even if they are in my clan, I can’t hold them to account. This is SL after all where fun comes first and aggravation, last, or not at all.

I used to spend so much time worrying about people, fielding complaints from some people miffed about this vampire did that or that vampire did the other and instead of talking to them and them taking it on the nose they come to me and it was usually, pretty much always, so blah-blah trivial. Eventually, having gone through what I’d call a year or two baptism of fire- yes a very long baptism indeed- I had a lightbulb moment: this shouldn’t be this stress, so I stepped back slowly one step at a time to the point where the clan now no longer even has land, or a home, or Sanctuary as we used to call it. We are now just a clan bonded by blood, not by property, not by hassle, not by commerce, not by anything other than simply being, which I believe is something that should come naturally to a vampire, simply being.

I’m a much happier SL’er these days even though SL itself and even the vampire games I play have changed a lot through the years, and how others in SL perceive them. I’m much happier because I rediscovered its core: fun. It’s easy to just walk away from people being annoying or pushy or petty or basically just stupid. There are many stupid people in SL as there are in RL and because it sometimes harder to get away from all the stupid people in RL then it’s good to know that when I log into SL I am totally free of it to be a fun-loving cuddly avi-vamp that I am, and don’t stress over losing a little blood to me, be flattered, after all, one, you won’t even know it, two, it might even tickle, and three, I’m very choosey about who I suck.

© Anan Eebus

 

A sense of grief

A sense of grief, the weird feeling I got recently as I was doing something so boring and benign as clearing some things out of my Second Life (SL) inventory. All of a sudden I felt a growing overwhelming sensation of grief, of loss, of a distance moving further away from me.

It wasn’t feeling of mortality or anything like that, just a realization of how long I’d been in SL and how much it felt like so much longer: a lifetime, or several.

I was sorting through my vampire stuff, which to anyone not in SL would sound utterly bizarre, and realised how many different vampire RP systems I’d been part of, some more than others, and how most of which are now gone, defunct. I was left with just the two active ones now, which is probably just as well, being they can take a huge amount of time and commitment.

As I was packing all the bits and pieces, HUDs, associated regalia and weapons of the now deleted systems into single boxes to rationalized them and reduce my ever-bulging inventory I felt this sense of grief. I couldn’t face getting rid of them completely yet, even though they no longer worked (crazy, I know). 

I found myself remembering the people I’d met through them, the adventures, inn-jokes, laughs and tears and suchlike, and how all that’s gone as are most of the people, having left not just the RP system but inworld SL entirely.

I recalled the process of learning each one, meeting sometimes new people, new vampires and other weird supernaturals, each system often so different from the other, each with their own quirks and sims and worlds and objectives. I have probably tried pretty much every single vampire RP system going in SL at one time or another and still play two. 

But it isn’t so much the vampire thing that made me feel this waves of sadness, it was that the act of sorting through signaled some kind of precipice, as I remembered people who had not just left SL entirely leaving behind their memories, but those who actually died, as in really died, in real life and how now for many of them their avatars still exist in SL. Although not in body but there in friends lists, clan lists, their profiles frozen forever in inworld time.

This is the grief I felt. Unlike most of the time in RL grief is shared and released and come to terms with, here in SL it can’t be in the same way and can’t be done with anyone outside of SL who’s never played, never been, or not even heard of. 

There are lots of us for whom being here is very personal and not shared with anyone within their immediate real life circle, and because of that there’s nowhere for this grief to go. Most people who’ve never experienced SL think we are a bit nuts anyway wondering why we waste our time here.

So it eats away inside and sometimes wells-up as it did with me recently. It’s very real, this grief, its deep, embedded and sometimes catches me unawares, all the deaths, losses, experiences, adventures which were just as real as anything in RL, but real in a different way: the relationships, friendships, the bonds, just as real because we did so not just as comic avatars but as real people. 

© Anan Eebus 2019

the rising dark (from the Vampiricalia)

 Bloodlines, Netherworld, Progeny, Vampire Mafia, Vitae, The Hunger, Eternal Conflict, Dark Embrace, Masquerade, Embraced, Immortal Legions, Empower Immortals, Night Blood………

     … they came, they went, precarious between the night and the day, the real and unreal, some still stalk while others have crumbled dust to dust and ashes to ashes, some burned brightly but briefly and others were left behind remaindered but still clinging on to dear undeath, starved of blood, bereft of souls become ghosts, phantoms, husks trapped in a never forever in defiant decay refusing to greet their already fateful fate, and as for the rest, may they rest in peace.

      Bloodlines still hangs on the dominant vampirical force in the Second Life (SL) landscapes and remains the most reliable despite not being cheap and far from affordable for everyone.  Like all games and roleplays in SL it is not what it used to be and has had to innovate to survive, nevertheless it’s still the prime-cut whatever your temptation, be it Vampire or Lycanthrope or extra-human as in a Bloodsoul, a Demon or Angel or combinations of any two: quite clever really.  It’s grid-wide and not confined to a single sim which confers it some advantages but could also, as has happened to many, just as easily be its downfall as in too big for its boots (or fangs or claws!) if not handled with the delicacy of a love bite. It’s HUDs frequently get updated and lands currently being revamped and added too which hopefully all the better for roleplay.

      Progeny is now likely the second most played vampire game inworld and continues to grow though not quite as exponentially as it did when it started, times which were rocky to say the least.  Recently progress has slowed to a statelier but near snails-pace of growth leaving many frustrated who years later are still waiting for things to happen that were promised and still haven’t materialized. It is definitely less democratic than Bloodlines and definitely more secretive and you still have to be invited to join but it is also less costly, at least at the basic level of play. Progeny can be a bit sluggish when it comes to new things even though it has lots of ideas but its sim doesn’t match Bloodlines for functionality or imagination yet and its website is still inaccessible and almost closely-guarded secret. Progeny’s almost one-hand juggling doesn’t do it any favours.

      The Hunger: first blood still lives and breathes, hanging in there, but only just. It still functions though for whatever reason interest has waned. Their website has been recently updated for the first time for ages which may mean a possible reanimation is on the cards. What future plans they have are still uncertain or at least kept under wraps, or underground! At least like Bloodlines and Progeny they do have a homeland of a kind and shop. Nevertheless, it still feels all a bit on-hold and languishing in a stasis waiting for a sunrise that may or may not come. Its main motivator was/ is battle, conflict and competition but with so few are active its relevance hangs somewhat limp . They do have a huge range of Races though to choose which could be seen as spreading things too thin and just too confusing, or, likely to hook a wider group of people. Regardless of any of this there are still vast numbers who at least own one of their HUDs. Like Bloodlines though it is still too costly for many to effectively take part, especially if you want to set up or acquire your own clan which is blood-curdlingly expensive.

      Eternal Conflict, subtitled ‘Angels and Demons’, is one on which to keep a beady eye as softly, softly, quietly, quietly behind the scenes appears to be growing in numbers and interest. In addition to those two Races it is planning to add to its canon with Vampires, Lycans and Thralls under the subtitle  ‘Afterlife’. Not exactly a new kid on the block but new enough to still be novel for anyone looking for a change from the older regimes and intriguing enough to attract shiny new converts. again though there is a cost element which is a continuing problem in SL, not everyone can fund their habits inworld so easily. It’s quite secretive and low-key and you do need to be sort of invited, as with Progeny, which means finding an active player to welcome you with open wings.

      Empower Immortals still lingers but only just and you’d be lucky if not total amazed to find any active player or clan now inworld. Mostly a world of Vampires, Lycan and Humans but does include other Races such as Fae, witches and Demons and there are similarities to Bloodlines, though not quite as close as Netherworld which it is obvious poached a lot of their ideas from it. In all fairness to Netherworld they were trying to make a more affordable version for those not with the deep pockets required for Bloodlines.  Bizarrely their products can still be bought on SL’s Marketplace so in one sense it clings on though likely its days are numbered if not already past their ‘best by’ date.

      Believe it or not that well-known online and real-world vampire game of Masquerade can still be found inworld. At best though it is merely in remnant form, though being the even more highly-secretive almost mason-like world it is one can never really be sure. Inworld it has no tools, weapons, HUDs, none of the bells and whistles found in the others, and is entirely confined to roleplay, character-development and suspension of belief.

      Vitae was for a time a brave attempt at establishing something new in the SL vampire community and while it lasted, which was actually several, was fairly successful and in many ways worked far better than all the others. It was certainly simpler and definitely cheaper, hence affordable to many and not over-complicated but had plenty of toys one could indulge and interact with.  Before its untimely death it did start to offer everything for free in an attempt to rescue its decline and encourage participation but in the end was defeated by the powers greater than itself, apathy and indifference.  It even had a sim for roleplay but its creator had a meltdown from being the sole doer of everything, which is no mean feat and basically impossible for any one person, even a vampire, to sustain the demands of these things.

      Vampire Mafia, Embraced and Night Blood and countless others which at the moment I can’t remember are buried beyond all hope of exhumation. Vampire Mafia was also a near copy-cat of Bloodlines, in fact started by disgruntled BL vamps, which probably in part lead to its downfall despite having its own impressive roleplay sim as well as being grid-wide. Embraced was based on a combat-model of roleplay, the KROS system known as ‘Kindred’, like The Hunger in a sense but distinct and had a clever range of tools, toys and fangs. It too faded away eventually, probably diminishing returns of revenue and interest as at first was quite costly but towards the end did what Vitae did and virtually give stuff away, but not even that saved it. As for Night Blood, this was designed by a band of unapologetic and disgruntled Hunger-players as essentially Vampire versus Lycan but barely bothered the competition before crumbling in a heap of in-fighting and bitterness.

      Vampires, what are they like!

      Then there was Dark Embrace, one of SL’s best-kept secrets for a while which of course meant it didn’t last but while it did functioned as probably the friendliest of vampire games, which sounds a bit strange for Vampires but worked regardless. It’s a simple vampire-only HUD-based system but different from any other and whose ethos was to keep it simple and affordable and most of all fun. It still exists, not in the form of a shop, or vendors or a dedicated sim but in me, being probably the sole-player of it now still wearing and fulfilling its objectives.  Lucky for me I had all of its bits and pieces bequeathed to me by the creator on leaving SL, though sadly not the scripts to change anything. It still works though and perhaps is closer to the true nature of vampire, loner, rogue, truly hiding in shadows but very much up close and personal to unwary necks.

      So there aren’t many now though there is no shortage or vampire-themed sims and lands some post-apocalyptic,  some based on literature such as Dracula, or Television á la Buffy, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, or movies such as Twilight (cough!) or Underworld and some focused on some kind of mythology like the inworld lands of Transylvania, Nocturne or Convergence. None of these are grid-wide though but instead provide a kind of immersive roleplay through their sim-specific HUDs and combat systems. Needless to say SL is littered with various vampire clan lands so watch your step, and where you land, your fate could be just a bite away.

      So many roads of bones littered with unrest, abandon and corpses, regardless it’ll all come to an end in the end, eternal life be damned as it is anyway, one day proving immortality to be a just another contradiction, misinterpretation, an exercise in wishful thinking, an altered state in which only the sorely deluded are convinced they’ve evaded the epistemological silver bullet or stake that was there all along plain as a new moon night.

 © Anan Eebus

Note:  if anyone remembers any other SL grid-wide vampire roleplay systems  that I haven’t mentioned here get in touch and tell me as I know there have been more, leave a message, email, IM inworld, whatever. Thanks for reading.

https://slbloodlines.com/
https://www.progeny-vampire.com/
http://thehungerfirstblood.com 
https://ad.eternal-conflict.com/
https://immortals.empowermagick.com/
https://secondlife.com/destinations/roleplay/vampire#