my SL Flickr Page

Me and my photography in Second Life on Flickr, go see more of me 😎 this is where I post a whole load of SL imagery I find when I'm exploring, and some of me to.

for bigger image on Flickr click > "I me mine"

~ Anan x

can’t see the prims for the mesh

One could choose to be prim and proper, or one could choose to be a complete mesh…

In two world and in two minds it’s sometimes hard to reconcile one within the other or one without. While some have chose the latter to go mesh in toto, clothes, skin and shape and who knows probably mind, though what a mesh-mind is like is something far to tangled to contemplate, while others retain the old school tie, so to speak, 100 % prim, and also quite possibly in mind too. Then there are those who mix-and-match, pick-and-choose, bits of this and bits of that and try and make them fit which is tricky as mesh and prims are rarely made to meet each other’s eye. So, a little tinkering and cheating is required to make an almost seamless join.

Primmers may choose to keep their skin and shape while choosing mostly mesh clothes, sometimes making a bit of a mesh-mash but with careful stitching can usually be made to seem organic and natural. Meanwhile meshers don’t have this dilemma and just go all-in mesh-mad even with their heads. Now there’s a tricky thing, a mesh body with a prim, or what I’d call normal, head but as long as you tone your skin just right it’s not insurmountable. Especially that still mesh heads come with few variations and you can end up looking like a hundred or a thousand others: a world of doppelgangers!

Of course some mesh clothes and bits and bobs are made to fit prim bodies and just as well as even mesh bodies are slippery things and finding the right mesh clothes to even vaguely fit is a humongously uninviting challenge.

Now, to mesh hair, which is debatable at best insofar as does it really work as well as prim hair? The jury’s out probably and no one likes their hair to be dissed. But, mesh hair works best when short and only certain long or medium styles look halfway decent with so many looking ill-fitting, clumsy, clunky and clompy, if any hair can be either of those things It does have a habit of looking like it’s been glued down with tons of hairspray, being that it doesn’t actually move. This is partly solved when mesh is mixed with some prim to give it some flexi, and a flyaway touch when moving, perhaps a more natural look and probably feel, after all we all feel, even in Second Life.

The biggest problem for mesh is we all have different computers with different computing power and mesh, as opposed to prims, needs lots, and I mean lots! Otherwise you wind up surrounded by two-dimensional coloured human shapes or even more disturbing, distorted clothing gone awry sometimes absolutely massive unable to resolve in your screen because basically they are over-scripted, and you’re under-powered. So SL can seem even more alien than it usually is with a plethora of mishapes (or meshapes) because mesh needs more than most of us SL’ers have.

This problem doesn’t happen with prims and the now largely left behind sculpties never really sat too comfortably being they weren’t actually the shape they appeared and were in-disguised, invisible massive blocks that you either kept bumping into or walking through which made you think you had some superpower, and made a mockery of walls, making them pretty much superfluous along with everything else that was supposed to be a solid object. It could look good but interacting with it was impossible. Prims are undoubtedly the most screen and computer-friendly, the sculpt too in that sense but not very interactive-friendly, with mesh being proper memory-gobblers, slow to resolve and can sometimes go hugely mental, hence, not so screen and computer-friendly. Unless you’re an evil genius with the most powerful computer in the world stealing everyone else’s computing power! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Of course, if you’re not into SL you won’t have a clue what I’m talking about and think I’m just making it all up or talking on tongues. So, just take my word for it: there’s mesh, there’s prims, and sometimes there’s sculpties and they all go together like a blind-date gone wrong, when all the two parties can’t wait to do is politely make ones excuses and leave.

ps…. prims are ‘primitives’, visual 3D object with predefined parameter used as the building blocks in SL to make basically everything lok and interact the way they do.

pps…. can’t be bothered to define anything else LOL.

© Anan Eebus 2019

dead zone

Where do all the avatars go when they’re no longer are here?

I know, I know! Into the dead zone (cue the dramatic music!)

Second Life (SL) is littered with so many phantoms, or what I call fleeters, those who were there once and now not but have left their ghost in names, accounts and avatars which exist and don’t exist at the same time in a limbo. Once upon a time they’d run away to join the circus and then run away from that, the circus being SL, never to be seen again and yet their tantalising breadcrumbs are still to be found going stale.

Second life is becoming a graveyard of empty lives, of echoes, traces, corpses pretty much, the dead existing in name and statistics only on friends lists, on prims, in profiles: are they undead, in a coma, in hibernation, abducted by aliens, avi-napped?!

I know, I know! They’ve moved into Second Unlife, a holding pattern, a waiting room, stasis, perhaps an anteroom to a Second AfterLife. After all, some of them might come back one day though the longer they dn’t the less likely they will, while some most definitely won’t being that they shuffled their mortal coil in the real world leaving no clues as to what should happen to their SL-self, or Slelf, should they have pre-deceased their avatar. These are the spookiest, you know they’re gone and yet. Perhaps this is just like real death in real life (RL) where even though the person is gone they are still here in their photos, their old possessions, image, the things they’ve done, and in the minds and hearts of those closest to them.

SL is perhaps one of the largest graveyards in the virtual world, but without any actual graves, just a few with real names with most being merely facades, macabre playgrounds, impressions.

Fleeters are the lost boys and girls inhabiting a dead zone, a land of echoes, a shadowland consigned to forever do so, suspended on the cusp of a black hole not escaping and yet not vanishing utterly inside to be crushed to nothing.

All these names with no one to claim them, that’s what I’d call an existential crisis.

© 2019 Anan Eebus

the rising dark (from the Vampiricalia)

 Bloodlines, Netherworld, Progeny, Vampire Mafia, Vitae, The Hunger, Eternal Conflict, Dark Embrace, Masquerade, Embraced, Immortal Legions, Empower Immortals, Night Blood………

     … they came, they went, precarious between the night and the day, the real and unreal, some still stalk while others have crumbled dust to dust and ashes to ashes, some burned brightly but briefly and others were left behind remaindered but still clinging on to dear undeath, starved of blood, bereft of souls become ghosts, phantoms, husks trapped in a never forever in defiant decay refusing to greet their already fateful fate, and as for the rest, may they rest in peace.

      Bloodlines still hangs on the dominant vampirical force in the Second Life (SL) landscapes and remains the most reliable despite not being cheap and far from affordable for everyone.  Like all games and roleplays in SL it is not what it used to be and has had to innovate to survive, nevertheless it’s still the prime-cut whatever your temptation, be it Vampire or Lycanthrope or extra-human as in a Bloodsoul, a Demon or Angel or combinations of any two: quite clever really.  It’s grid-wide and not confined to a single sim which confers it some advantages but could also, as has happened to many, just as easily be its downfall as in too big for its boots (or fangs or claws!) if not handled with the delicacy of a love bite. It’s HUDs frequently get updated and lands currently being revamped and added too which hopefully all the better for roleplay.

      Progeny is now likely the second most played vampire game inworld and continues to grow though not quite as exponentially as it did when it started, times which were rocky to say the least.  Recently progress has slowed to a statelier but near snails-pace of growth leaving many frustrated who years later are still waiting for things to happen that were promised and still haven’t materialized. It is definitely less democratic than Bloodlines and definitely more secretive and you still have to be invited to join but it is also less costly, at least at the basic level of play. Progeny can be a bit sluggish when it comes to new things even though it has lots of ideas but its sim doesn’t match Bloodlines for functionality or imagination yet and its website is still inaccessible and almost closely-guarded secret. Progeny’s almost one-hand juggling doesn’t do it any favours.

      The Hunger: first blood still lives and breathes, hanging in there, but only just. It still functions though for whatever reason interest has waned. Their website has been recently updated for the first time for ages which may mean a possible reanimation is on the cards. What future plans they have are still uncertain or at least kept under wraps, or underground! At least like Bloodlines and Progeny they do have a homeland of a kind and shop. Nevertheless, it still feels all a bit on-hold and languishing in a stasis waiting for a sunrise that may or may not come. Its main motivator was/ is battle, conflict and competition but with so few are active its relevance hangs somewhat limp . They do have a huge range of Races though to choose which could be seen as spreading things too thin and just too confusing, or, likely to hook a wider group of people. Regardless of any of this there are still vast numbers who at least own one of their HUDs. Like Bloodlines though it is still too costly for many to effectively take part, especially if you want to set up or acquire your own clan which is blood-curdlingly expensive.

      Eternal Conflict, subtitled ‘Angels and Demons’, is one on which to keep a beady eye as softly, softly, quietly, quietly behind the scenes appears to be growing in numbers and interest. In addition to those two Races it is planning to add to its canon with Vampires, Lycans and Thralls under the subtitle  ‘Afterlife’. Not exactly a new kid on the block but new enough to still be novel for anyone looking for a change from the older regimes and intriguing enough to attract shiny new converts. again though there is a cost element which is a continuing problem in SL, not everyone can fund their habits inworld so easily. It’s quite secretive and low-key and you do need to be sort of invited, as with Progeny, which means finding an active player to welcome you with open wings.

      Empower Immortals still lingers but only just and you’d be lucky if not total amazed to find any active player or clan now inworld. Mostly a world of Vampires, Lycan and Humans but does include other Races such as Fae, witches and Demons and there are similarities to Bloodlines, though not quite as close as Netherworld which it is obvious poached a lot of their ideas from it. In all fairness to Netherworld they were trying to make a more affordable version for those not with the deep pockets required for Bloodlines.  Bizarrely their products can still be bought on SL’s Marketplace so in one sense it clings on though likely its days are numbered if not already past their ‘best by’ date.

      Believe it or not that well-known online and real-world vampire game of Masquerade can still be found inworld. At best though it is merely in remnant form, though being the even more highly-secretive almost mason-like world it is one can never really be sure. Inworld it has no tools, weapons, HUDs, none of the bells and whistles found in the others, and is entirely confined to roleplay, character-development and suspension of belief.

      Vitae was for a time a brave attempt at establishing something new in the SL vampire community and while it lasted, which was actually several, was fairly successful and in many ways worked far better than all the others. It was certainly simpler and definitely cheaper, hence affordable to many and not over-complicated but had plenty of toys one could indulge and interact with.  Before its untimely death it did start to offer everything for free in an attempt to rescue its decline and encourage participation but in the end was defeated by the powers greater than itself, apathy and indifference.  It even had a sim for roleplay but its creator had a meltdown from being the sole doer of everything, which is no mean feat and basically impossible for any one person, even a vampire, to sustain the demands of these things.

      Vampire Mafia, Embraced and Night Blood and countless others which at the moment I can’t remember are buried beyond all hope of exhumation. Vampire Mafia was also a near copy-cat of Bloodlines, in fact started by disgruntled BL vamps, which probably in part lead to its downfall despite having its own impressive roleplay sim as well as being grid-wide. Embraced was based on a combat-model of roleplay, the KROS system known as ‘Kindred’, like The Hunger in a sense but distinct and had a clever range of tools, toys and fangs. It too faded away eventually, probably diminishing returns of revenue and interest as at first was quite costly but towards the end did what Vitae did and virtually give stuff away, but not even that saved it. As for Night Blood, this was designed by a band of unapologetic and disgruntled Hunger-players as essentially Vampire versus Lycan but barely bothered the competition before crumbling in a heap of in-fighting and bitterness.

      Vampires, what are they like!

      Then there was Dark Embrace, one of SL’s best-kept secrets for a while which of course meant it didn’t last but while it did functioned as probably the friendliest of vampire games, which sounds a bit strange for Vampires but worked regardless. It’s a simple vampire-only HUD-based system but different from any other and whose ethos was to keep it simple and affordable and most of all fun. It still exists, not in the form of a shop, or vendors or a dedicated sim but in me, being probably the sole-player of it now still wearing and fulfilling its objectives.  Lucky for me I had all of its bits and pieces bequeathed to me by the creator on leaving SL, though sadly not the scripts to change anything. It still works though and perhaps is closer to the true nature of vampire, loner, rogue, truly hiding in shadows but very much up close and personal to unwary necks.

      So there aren’t many now though there is no shortage or vampire-themed sims and lands some post-apocalyptic,  some based on literature such as Dracula, or Television á la Buffy, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, or movies such as Twilight (cough!) or Underworld and some focused on some kind of mythology like the inworld lands of Transylvania, Nocturne or Convergence. None of these are grid-wide though but instead provide a kind of immersive roleplay through their sim-specific HUDs and combat systems. Needless to say SL is littered with various vampire clan lands so watch your step, and where you land, your fate could be just a bite away.

      So many roads of bones littered with unrest, abandon and corpses, regardless it’ll all come to an end in the end, eternal life be damned as it is anyway, one day proving immortality to be a just another contradiction, misinterpretation, an exercise in wishful thinking, an altered state in which only the sorely deluded are convinced they’ve evaded the epistemological silver bullet or stake that was there all along plain as a new moon night.

 © Anan Eebus

Note:  if anyone remembers any other SL grid-wide vampire roleplay systems  that I haven’t mentioned here get in touch and tell me as I know there have been more, leave a message, email, IM inworld, whatever. Thanks for reading.

https://slbloodlines.com/
https://www.progeny-vampire.com/
http://thehungerfirstblood.com 
https://ad.eternal-conflict.com/
https://immortals.empowermagick.com/
https://secondlife.com/destinations/roleplay/vampire#

shade of shade (from the Vampiricalia)

         Sadness overwhelms me as time and time again I find a world littered in shades.  Those who are dead inside bled to a husk by avaricious vampires with no self-control. 

         The careless, the greedy, the arrogant indulge their thirst without a care nor thought for the needs of other vampires, others of their kind and even kin.  In biology a predator never depletes its food source to the point of extinction but manages it through cunning and rationing, and yet these parasites, or shade-makers, exploit it to the last drop of blood. Parasite is probably a poor analogy as even they don’t aim to kill their host, the one upon which they depend for their very survival. That way lays madness and ultimately oblivion even for a parasite.

         A true vampires relationship with humans is one of symbiosis; a sympathetic, although slightly skewed, understanding that they are needed, for better or worse, and that to wipe them out one by one turning them into shades is self-defeating and merely exposes their own weak nature. We can and do sometimes feed upon each other but without fresh input, as in fresh human blood, it eventually becomes tainted, the same old blood recirculating grows old and rotten and ultimately no better than a waste product rather than food. Basically no better than eating ourselves out of house and home and becoming cannibals.

         These shade-makers are blood-suckers at best, not worthy of the Vampire mantel and the more shades, dry, empty walking husks little better than zombies, the harder it becomes to feed or find food at all.  Immortality has its down-sides, not least the temptation to self-destruct by rampaging at the expense of others and sod the consequences.  A vampire’s environment is no different than the human one, we inhabit the same space and time, and as such it is not a limitless resource to be exploited without consequence for our actions.

         It is true that ones primal instincts are much closer to the surface in a vampire and a lot of effort has to be made to keep them in check. I suppose this isn’t that different from when we were ourselves mortal, or quicks. Also, vampires aren’t by nature good in the conventional sense, we are the undead after all, though I prefer to regard myself as of the breathless. I find the term undead tends to freak people out at parties when they ask you what you do. I suppose it is an argument as to who is worse at the end of the day; mortals or immortals, being we both are riddled with flaws and bouts of complete stupidity.

         A vampires emotions are heightened to almost savage levels; seeing, hearing, feeling much more intensely and deep, the pains and the pleasures sometimes getting mixed and mashed up in the very same breathless breath.  We need constant vigilance as with such huge power comes huge responsibility. See, more down-sides, but no one ever said it was going to be all blood and orgies, though that happens too sometimes.  That drive to bite, sink the teeth, feed, sate ones appetite over and over, to endure the thrill of it all again and again but greed never ended well, and usually in gluttony which leads to stagnancy and ultimately decay, literally dust to dust or worse, starving forever with nothing left on which to feed begging for the stake but too weak to lift one.

          So we make bloodsouls; humans we watch over and to which we provide protection, knowledge and the tools with which to also protect themselves and in return they offer their blood in a sustainable way, by which I mean we allow them to replenish themselves and never drain them to becoming a shade. There’s no coming back from being shaded. This doesn’t protect other non-bloodsoul mortals of course and as such the world of vampire is destined to be a constant struggle between the shade-giver and the self-possesed path of the shade-maker.
        (from my Vampiricalia…..)
         © Anan Eebus

Inworldz.. dust to dust

          Another world bites the dust it.
          It seems after so long a time now another virtual world has collapsed in on itself as Inworldz falls down the virtual rabbit hole of pixels under the weight of a single click of ‘DELETE’. 
          Inworldz (IW) was made ages ago in some ways in sort of response to Second Life (SL) in part aimed at those disillusioned with SL as many had become at the time. Some left the inworld world entirely while others migrated to other worlds such as IW while others, and this was me partly, joined and lived for a time anyway happily in both.  That is until I realised how much time was needed to keep up not just inworld account but in two entirely separate worlds and somehow balance this with my real one, what I call the realme-world. 
          Despite this for a while I did seem to manage it, still spending more time in SL but also like a bit of an antidote to SL’s drama which has gotten bad at the time for me I managed hours in the day for IW.  So I established a me there too with the same name, Anan Eebus.  I even imported my body settings and looked almost identical.  Why wouldn’t I, as for me it was the only other-me I knew and in SL I did sort of model my inworld me on my RL (real life) me. I called it and still do, being comfortable in my own skin, especially as in these worlds you can basically choose any skin you like.  Weird I know.  I do hope you’re not getting lost in all these me’s I keep weaving into the blog here, just remember they are all me at the end of the day. 
          So I set up a whole other virtual life in IW for years in my avi, or avatar there, establishing regular places I’d go, like for dancing or for coffee and chat with fellow inworlders, or inmates, as sometimes it did all feel a bit insane and like an asylum, as did SL.  In truth there was very little difference between them except SL was a bit ahead of it in technology and because it was the thrill of the new, had far less psychodrama. I even set up mu unveiled Art Gallery and started having exhibitions and took part in build contests through which I did win some money, or I’z, or IW money, the equivalent of linden currency in SL. 
          But after many years IW has finally died, this month in fact, closed forever and all in it lost beneath the virtual sea that reclaimed it to its icy depths.  I wish I’d known sooner as because I had been logging in less in recent years I wasn’t there for the last few weeks or day so wasn’t able to save anything.  That is if there was even anyway I could have, but I would certainly have taken a few last photos of the old place before its imminent demise. 
          Anyway, luckily I do still have some photos but anything else I had there is gone forever, so fragile and ephemeral are such worlds, places, lives, gone in a click! It had over the years suffered a huge decline in active participants and I suppose cost or apathy or whatever got the better of it.  I somehow wish I could have made a little 3D model of myself though as a souvenir, which sounds weird I know, but you have to be a little weird to live in these worlds. 
          But I’m still here, in SL that is, happy enough and certainly as busy as I need to be but luckily not letting rule my life as I once did.

the last photo I took of me in IW

 © Anan Eebus (27th August 2018)